Humans are funny creatures; we come in all shapes and sizes, all personalities and archetypes. We try to co-exist as best as possible, (some more than others) but it’s inevitable, us being the emotional beings that we are, that we sometimes step on each others’ feelings. Whether it is intentional or not, it happens.
If you’ve ever asked the question: Can you forgive me? It would help for you to understand why you should forgive others first.
Why Should You Forgive Others?
The only person who is getting hurt by living in a state of non-forgiveness is you!
A very important part of self improvement is to not blame others for anything that has happened in life, even if it may seem like it’s their fault. We decide how we react to our environment.
It’s beautiful really; we get to choose whether to laugh or cry at any given situation and sometimes both are necessary. Laughing off the bad times is a good habit to get into, but sometimes it’s easier said than done. Sometimes you feel like you’ve been so wronged, that it’s impossible to forgive the person who did that to you!
You hold a grudge.
You hold that grudge!
It continues to affect you, because you hold on to that situation and blame the other for making you feel so bad.
The one you blame for your feelings being hurt, usually couldn’t care less, or in some cases, is completely unaware that their actions even upset you so much.
So you have a choice:
Continue living your life without forgiveness and have that bad feeling niggling in the background of everything you do.
Or, Forgive the person who wronged you.
In a lot of cases it’s not obvious how holding this grudge is affecting you, but once it’s freed up, you’ll feel so much better and it will reflect in any endeavour you do in your life!
Now it’s no good going to the person who wronged you and saying, “I forgive you for…” In fact, in most cases it would be detrimental to talk to the one who wronged you, as it’s quite likely that they’re not on the same self improvement movement as you are!
You are the one who’s here, ready to do the inner work! It is you who are ready to let go of this grudge and bring peace to your past. Your past does not need to define who you are today and who you will be in the future.
Healing the wounds of the past is necessary if you want your future to be as bright as possible!
How to Practice Forgiveness
Get yourself into a meditative state. (If you’re new to meditation, be sure to read my article; “Meditation Basics”) When you’re in a meditative state, your brain waves are usually in a state of Alpha, where the mind is more susceptible to suggestions. Making this practise much more powerful!
Once you’ve spent a few breaths calming your being;
- Relive the situation which you want to forgive.
- Really feel the emotions you felt back then, but don’t revel in it!
- Don’t let the feelings take you over.
- You are stronger than you were back then!
“What did I learn from this?”
“How did this situation make me stronger?”
“How did this event lead me to become who I am today?”
Remember that hurt people, hurt people!
The one who wronged you is hurting them self.
Feel compassion for them for this.
They hurt you, because they’re hurting them self!
Make up a scenario of the pain they went through to make them do what they did to you. It doesn’t need to be accurate, as long as it helps to feel compassion towards them.
Forgive into Love
Once you can do this, you can Forgive into Love. This will release the grudges you held in the past. It may take a few sessions to really let go of this past trauma, but once you do, everything in your being becomes lighter.
I do this practice frequently, healing moments of my childhood as well as situations from my adult life, including forgiving myself for things. Now, if something upsets me and I feel myself forming a grudge, I step back and take a moment to gather my energy and forgive, before the grudge forms.
There are still deeply buried grudges that I notice affecting my being at times. They could even be past life traumas that need forgiving; I once felt the urge to forgive the white man for enslaving an entire race of our human family… that one was deep.
This is a practice that will help you feel compassion towards all. Good or bad, we are all here, trying to co-exist. We’re funny creatures, with such strong opinions and ideas, habits and tendencies…
I sincerely hope this practice will help you become the best version of you, you can be! Please feel free to leave a comment to share your experiences and connect with me on social media.
Much Love & Light,